Dear Sensei Tony. What is Obon or The Gift of our Honored Ancestors? Audrey.

Hi Audrey. Today we celebrated the annual liturgical rite of Honoring our Ancestors, also known in Japanese as, “Obon”. We always hold our ceremonies around the full moon. We call it the Season of Eternal Life.

and the Archetype Angel is Jizo Bodhisattva. It is a celebration of the Holy Sangha or the Communion of Saints in Oneness. It is a time of joy. And while we honor what we can do for the memorial of our ancestors, it is also vital that we are mindful of what they have done and continue to do for us too, if we allow ourselves to be open to it. Ultimately, it is about connecting and continuing our intimacy with those who have appeared to have gone before us.

So, how do we do this “receiving of their gifts”? We can do this in several sacred ways. First, we look upon them not just in their precious human form, but in their ultimate destiny fulfilled as Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. They become “Personal Buddhas” continuing to guide and support us on our spiritual path. We do this by putting their pictures or relics on our home altars (Butsudan) and communicating with them In daily life. We encourage this by treating them as present, not in their limited manner, but as limitless and fully realized beings.

Let me give you an example from my own pastoral practice. I had student who was in their forties who had lived with and later cared for their parent. They were best friends. And whenever the parent passed, the student went into a deep depression and withdrew from life. And while a period of this is normal in mourning, if it starts to deteriorate their existence, we admonish a compassionate change in perspective. I kindly instructed the student to put photos and personal relics of their beloved parent on their personal altar. I then suggested that the student look upon them as I mentioned above. I encouraged the student to talk with their parent and share their daily life and seek compassionate and wise guidance. After many months of this the student was deeply changed. They began to embrace life again.

In my own life I do this too. I start by offering incense and sit in meditation, focusing not just on what I wish to share, but listening with the heart and mind to what they have to share with me. I have found this intimate time of communion to be richly beneficial. While I very much miss their human form, I focus on continuing the relationship, which brings a serene sense of healing.

Secondly, we can keep them alive through talking about them and bringing their unique good qualities into our own being and becoming. All too often, when a loved one has passed, people tend to not talk about them or share the storied stars of their unique lives. Sometimes we don’t do this because it can be very painful, but I compassionately offer that the pain we feel is a trade off for the love we experienced. I don’t want that pain taken away because it represents how important they were in my life. However, when we are ready, it does not have to cause us suffering. In fact, these practices can softly be a part of our spiritual liberation.

So, please consider this in your own practice. Blessings upon us all.